E-Motion Psychotherapy

We don’t always realize the power of the lens we choose to view life in. Many of us also don’t realize our lens can be self sabotaging, feed depressive or anxious thoughts, or enhance stories of unworthiness. If we look at our relationships and scan for what’s going wrong, we will find it. If we look for evidence why we aren’t worthy, we will use a lens to translate our experiences to proving that narrative. If we over emphasize our problems, they become what we see the mo...st. The best part about paying attention to how powerful our lens is, is that we can change it. If I walk into my home, I can find things to be frustrated about, and I can find things to be grateful for. And when I own that choice, I embody the energy I want to bring into my home. The good becomes better. The softness becomes more apparent. And we create a culture of joy and gratitude being at the forefront of our lives. But the lives don’t have to even change all that much. It’s the energy we bring to them. It’s the lens we see them in. It’s the stories we seek evidence for. I look for love daily. I see the effort my husband puts in despite what he may not do. I honor my daughters good moments way more than I give energy to the bad. Because it’s a superpower we have to take hold of the energy of our home, our relationships, our lives. And I encourage you all to own that power. #nytherapist See more

If you are cruel to them, they will think it is love. If you yell at them, they will think it is love. If you ignore them, they will think it is love. If you walk away from them, they will think it is love. And if you are kind to them, they will think it is love. And if you are gentle with them, they will think it is love. And if you listen to them, they will think it is love. And if you hold them tightly, they will think it is love. Because we cannot point at anythin...g that exists and say this is love, so you will teach your children every day what it is. And one day, when someone else treats them the way you treated them, they will say this is love.. so treat them well. No matter what you were taught yourself (Ian S. Thomas). This one hits home because it’s not only for parents, it is for adults reflecting on their experiences growing up. It’s understanding how we form opinions of what love is, and how they create a blueprint for what we tolerate, what we look for, and who we are attracted to. It’s how we come to the painful place to re-parent ourselves, and if we bring children into this world, how we face ourselves as we parent. It’s why we feel love so deeply with people who aren’t healthy, and that brings us face to face with the task of healing. Tell me, what did you learn about love in childhood that you are working hard to re-learn? #nytherapist See more

Everyone says to let go of expectations, but what are we even letting go of? Expectations create walls around us disguised as standards. They reveal our inner world of belief systems. We create them around someone, or something, because they are tied around the way be believe things should be. These beliefs are based on a system we have created based on how we grew up, our experience, movies, advice, etc. When we set up expectations, we don’t always realize that we are cre...ating walls. We often think we are defining our standards, but let’s break down the difference. Many times our expectations reveal false, unhealthy, or rigid beliefs about love, life, and the way things or people should be. They create specific ways about how another person should function, and when they don’t meet those expectations, we assume whatever the belief reveals : they don’t love us, we aren’t worthy, this isn’t the relationship for us, etc. And boom - there is your wall. We may either want to leave the relationship and/or demand our partner show up exactly how we want them to. But in order to let go of expectation we have to understand what it is attached to. What beliefs are creating the expectation? What were those beliefs created for? Are they a way to protect from pain? How does this translate into expectation? Because standards are requiring that someone show up, expectations are specific guidelines as to how. And those guidelines create rigidity. They set us up for disappointment and the inability to see the other. They block us from appreciation, connection, and create controlling energy in the relationship. When we let go of expectations, what we are really letting go of are the rigid belief systems that are feeding them. Because they just aren’t serving us. We then can get clear and define our standards without them being details, defined, and almost impossible to meet. #nytherapist See more